Part 1) You're waiting at a bus stop in your home town. A well-mannered and well-spoken male tourist stops by and asks you for directions to places he says he's been told to visit during his stay. You offer to help him, but as the conversation continues you find yourself overwhelmed by a growing sense of unease.
-Excuse me, miss. ( a pleasant voice behind me) Excuse me.
-Yes? (I turn around to see a well-dressed man smiling at me) Can I help you with something, sir?
- I am truly sorry for disturbing you like this. (apologizing)
-Oh, don´t worry, it´s no problem.
-I´m just visiting this sweet, romantic little town for a few days and a friend of mine recommended a couple of great places to visit during my stay. But I can´t seem to find them, despite my map. (holds up a small, worn map)
-May I? (I hold out my hand)
-Of course.
-Let´s see… (one glance on the map) Oh, I´m sorry but you must have gotten the wrong map, sir.
-No, have I? (worried) Are you sure?
-Well. See here… (points at the map) These markings only shows abandoned houses and empty fields. There´s nothing there to see anymore.
- Yes, yes that´s right. (his eyes starts to glisten) That´s the places I´m looking for.
-Well... even if there once was something beautiful there, it´s long gone by now.
-(murmurs) I´m sure there´s something to see there…(looks at me) This map marks the sites where notorious cruel crimes were committed. (smiles) Have you been there yourself?
- Eh…or, I haven´t, sir. (hesitating) I don’t quite like the idea of seeing crime scenes (apologizing a bit) But I´m sure many people find it interesting.
- Oh, you´d be surprised, young lady, if you knew. (he narrows his eyes) Have you really never been at one of these places? (taps with fingers on map) Or been curious about what happened there? Surely you must have?
- I´m sorry, sir but I really haven´t. (starting to get impatient)
(He takes a step closer, lowering head, widening eyes)
-Then you MUST see one of these with your own eyes. (low, intense voice) You see, when you stand there, on the very ground where a murder once took place, you can still feel the presence of pure evil lingering. It´s like you can hear the screams echoing and the taste of blood flavoring the air…
-Sir? (a bit disgusted) Sir? I really have to go… (I take a step back)
-It´s amazing! (he grabs my arm) If you only could…you must…
(I yank my arm free and takes a few steps back)
-I´m….I´m sorry, sir but I can´t help you…I have to go! (walks backwards, eyes fixed on the man)
-No! Please come with me! I´ll show you how great it can be… (he takes a step forward stretching out his arm for me) You´ll never forget at thing like that, ever. I promise!
(I turn around and run)
It was intreaging that you wrote it in a "me-form", I don't know the proper grammar name, sorry. I liked it that it was creapy in a way that didn't suggest rape, at least not focused on rape without your own imagination, which easily could be red in to that assignment. Good dialogue, started of innocent building up to being unpleasant.
SvaraRaderaNice dialouge! As Malin said above I like the fact that you used another creepy motive than rape. Something I thought about is that it is a lot of direction between the actual dialouge, and sometimes I think it would've been fine without it. With the chosen words you understan quite well as a reader in what way the carachter says the things he/she does.
SvaraRaderaThanks Lina! I really didn´t want to write about some sexual creepyness in any way, but finding something a bit more unusual. And it seems like I did just that...=D
SvaraRaderaAbout the directions between the words - I wasn´t sure if they were needed to clarify the change in atmosphere but I´m glad that you didn´t think so. Next time I will use much less direction...=D
Thanks again!